Friday, June 26, 2009

Oh the Stress...Will it ever end?

That's my new mantra...Don't worry...be happy!

Most of you know that my husband lost his job back in September due to the shitty economy and all that happy horse shit. He had already started school, as we knew this would likely be the outcome when his contract was renegotiated and sure enough, the Bastards shut down his plant, but I'm not bitter...really I'm not! Fourteen years? It was time for him to move on and do something else.

These last several months have been pretty stressful. Not just his job but there was another incident that only added to that a few months ago. And it totally had me turned around. I've acted in foolish ways a time or two, stress is funny like that. What can I say. I can only apologize and hope it's enough. It's easy to over-react to something when you have a shitload of stress riding on your back. But it's hard for other's to understand that unless they are feeling your stress too. Oh well, you move on I suppose.

So now my husband is done with school. YAY!! Congratulations To Him! He's graduated from the program and has his resume. Now he needs to find a job! He has his dad and brother down in Tennessee constantly giving us guilt trips about moving down there and why we haven't. His dad said for months that we could have his house. Made it sound like the damn thing was ours. That's another can of worms that pisses me off. Because all the talk, he was only going to sell it to us! Whatever! I don't even want to talk about that. If you could have only heard the way my husband's brother would tallk to him about how ridiculous it was for us not to take the house! Yeah, even he was under the impression my father in law was 'giving' us the house. So it was nice to know he was shocked to learn that wasn't the case. Mabye he even feels bad for talking to Shawn the way he did! I sure hope so. It's not necessary to talk to other's like that! Especially knowing Shawn is already stressed, you know?

Anyway, the reality of this whole situation is the fact that I have to get a job. Do you know how unbelievably terrifying that thought is? I haven't worked in 12 years, and when I did it was part time and infrequent from the time I was 17 until about 22. So not very long. My job has always been in the home and I love it. But then I think, Devin is getting older. He just turned 10 and it would be nice to do something. I had looked into cosmetology school several months ago, but that flopped. I'm not cut out to be THAT social! But I am going to school. I was looking into the programs at the community college in my county, and there is a certificate program for office assistant. It's only one year, two semesters. I thought why the heck not! I'm on the damn computer all the time during the day anyway! Learn a few programs and I can get paid to type and do shit, right?

I really should have done this last year. But I figure if I got a part time job, it wouldn't be enough to really do any good anyway. We have a plan! That's always a good thing to have. And so far our plans have always worked. My mom is part of the plan. Thankgoodness for her! :)

I really haven't cut back on buying books, but now I need to. But that's okay! We all joke about the need to buy books, but truly there are more improtant things! And I need to stay focused, and not lose sight of what I need to do for my family. I'm not losing what I have. So come this fall, I am going to school. I am going to do this. Most of you probably work and always have and probably have no idea how scary this all is! My husband says I'm going to love it, getting out of the house, going to school and then working. I'm sure once I get in a routine, I will, but until then, I get very nervous.

I just felt the need to vent :). I hope you all have a wonderful day. Me and my son are having a yard sale! Our first one EVER! Maybe I'll post about it later...if it's successful or a flop! :P It's supposed to be a nice day, so it'll be great to spend it outdoors.


31 comments:

Heather D said...

Wow, you really do have some shit going on. I can definitely relate to your fears of getting a job. I started working in the family restaurant (pizza place) when I was 13, the only kind of work I have ever done really was waiting tables. Well except for the stint that I did at Lowes. I quit and thought I would go back to school. big mistake on my part, for several reasons. I fortunately met my husband. I had been working in a call center for a short period of time when he told me I could quit my job and be a stay at home mom. It really didn't pay for me to have a job with the new baby on the way
Well that new baby is now almost 7. So I haven't been out of the workforce as long as you have but it is definitely scary trying to go back into it. I went to school and got my Assoc. in Early Childhood edu. Half assed attempted to get a para-pro position. My plan was to work as a parapro while finishing my 4 yr. Well, Im very scared of failure, so I continue to sabotage myself. I never went back to school. Now my husband is telling me that I really need to go back to work. I am so not ready for it. I enjoy being able to volunteer with the kids schools and be home when they get off the bus, not worry about how they are going to get to baseball, wrestling, track, clubs, football, etc.
So Amy I really feel your pain. I do have to agree with your husband though. Once you get out there and do it, Its not so bad. I really enjoyed school. I met a lot of great people, mind you they were 10 yrs younger but they were really nice. I just couldn't bring myself to go to work and leave Cody in after school care.
Good luck !!

Blodeuedd said...

I hope it will get better, and that he finds a job now. not an easy thing to do at the moment.
vent away, it's good for the heart.

Lea said...

(((((Hugs))))) Amy:

Taking the first steps and entering into something new is really scary Amy and I can sure relate to what you said. However, I think Shawn is quite correct, once you get started and enter the new program you will love it. Learning new computer programs etc. sounds like great fun! The job search, well that will happen, when it happens.

Congratulations to Shawn completing his program. Good luck to him in his job search.

I hope you and Devin enjoy a wonderful day outside and your yard sale is well attended.

Venting is therapeutic and we are here for you!

Have a great weekend Amy. :)
L

Amy C said...

Heather, I think that is my biggest fear. Devin has been my life for ten years now. I've always been able to be there for him WHENEVER he needed me and the thought of not always being there...well, that is some scary shit to think about. All the what if's go through my head. But he's getting older and is responsible so by the time I get done with school he'll be able to be home for a few hours if that should have to happen :(. Good luck to you with whatever you decide for your future! It's tough making changes, but I'm glad I can vent here :).

Thank you, Lea! ((Hugs))
Shawn is so nervous about getting a decent job. That's the sucky part, he isn't going to start out the same as he was before. It takes time to work your way up and the fear of losing everything we have is always eating at him. Because of that it's harder on him than me most times. What I do everyday really hasn't changed you know? But it's going to! Whew, all will be well though. I try to stay optimistic. One of has to.

Yes, Blodeuedd, it is good for the heart to vent. You guys and my mom are the only ones I have to vent to. Thankgoodness for that. My husband has friends and family and most of his firends are in the same predicament he's in because they all owrked together and went to school together.

Oh and Lea, you're right, the program does sound like fun...computer stuff and all! It's the leaving the house everyday that is scary for me :(.

Erotic Horizon said...

Amy I do feel your pain.
I am however at the other end of the scale... I have been working for too long and I am still young..

I was forced into a position to have to stay at home and I almost strangle my family... My only recourse was to find small half day and one day things to do ..

So I do voluntary work at a charity shop - I have been at it now for two year - and I am so glad I did, because staying at home no matter how fulfilling it is from a family point of view - I would lose too much of what makes me - me..

I totally agree with Shawn - chin up and put your best foot forward....and get out there..

Devin is growing and all the stuff that needs to get done, will get done, just a little later than you normally would.

I'll be rooting for you..

E.H>

MsMoonlight said...

I am sorry you are having so much stress Amy and I hope things get better soon. (((hugs)))

nath said...

Awww, Amy, I'm sorry to hear :(

Well at least, you'll be going back to school first... That should help you ease into the new situation.

Personally, as a whole, I find the idea of work scary. I mean, I work full-time and I'm still scared... when should I ask for a promotion, when should I ask for a raise, when should I move on? Sigh. I understand it can't be as terrifying as going back to work after a long time off... but still.

Good luck! :D

Michelle G said...

Amy,

I can completely understand what you are going through. :) My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

M

My Blog 2.0 (Dottie) said...

Hi Amy

Oh my sweet friend, I have been there.

I stayed at home with my kids until my youngest (I have three) went to first grade. He was extremely speech delayed. I was panicking, he was getting help and the help that was available sucked. So, off the school I went to be trained as a speech pathologist. And it worked. I worked his butt off at home, everyday. He graduated from his speech program in third grade. I was more than 10 years older than everyone else, but if I can do, you can do it. I won't tell you it isn't hard work, because it is...but the feeling of accomplishment once I got back into the swing of going to school everyday was amazing, almost freeing. I was happy, still missed my kids though, but I meant so many new people, some of which I'm still friendly with, besides all the wonderful supportive instructors that understood what I was going through and were very accommodating to the non-traditional student.

I too am currently unemployed and not by choice, but maybe everything will work out. It's just the tough economics times that we are all experiencing right now.

Kudos to Shawn for completion of his program!! It's a huge accomplishment and he should wear that badge with pride!!

It's horrible that after fourteen years, that his company had so little regard for the employees. It seems to be the new way to do business, cut employees and increase the profit. Worse that family made him (and you) feel bad.

If there is anything I could do to help, I surely would. Don't be afraid to vent here Amy, we've all done it and it's good for the soul not to keep everything bottled up inside. You smart, quick, so school should work for you!! After all, I've read your stories! Learning new computer skills are fun!

((((((huge hugs))))))

Dottie :)

Mandi said...

((AMY))

I have stayed at home now for five years with my boys. It would be so hard to go back to work. I totally understand!

It sounds like you have a plan with going to school..that is good! Venting always helps me feel better :)

Eva S said...

Amy, my friend, so sorry to hear about your stress, but everything will be okay! Good luck with your school,it's always the first steps that are diccifult, but you will manage!!

Congrats to your husband!

Anna said...

Hi Amy...
I can definitely relate to your fears about going back to work. I haven't worked since 2002 cause of my health issues and even thinking about it scares me. I think that's great your going back to school this fall. I've done a semester at my local college, it's scary at first but it's fun too. :)

Congrats to Shawn! I hope you and Devin has a successful yard sale. (((HUGS)))

Renee said...

I'm glad you've got a place to vent! Vent away, m'dear!
That's wonderful that Shawn finished his program. It's so good he has you to cheer him on, because after losing his job under such circumstances, I'm sure it means a lot to have you in his corner supporting him.
It is scary to go back to work. The economy has a lot of us out there trying to adjust. (I was laid off of 1 p/t job, and am now down to working 1 day a week. Last week, my husband just got news of an across the board pay cut.)
As I am now looking for more part time work, I'm really aware of the fact that I'm a lot older than many that I'm competing with. But, I'm trying to focus on the fact that my "life experience" counts for something!
You have so many great skills that are evidenced in your blog: do you know how many employers would LOVE to hire someone who has as great writing skills as you do? You'd be shocked at how hard it is to find someone who can really write well. You are organized--gosh knows that keeping this place running so well is testament to that. You have great communication skills. Look at all the people you (virtually) interact with every single day!
You have a lot to offer an employer!
Lastly, you are setting a great example for Devin. You are letting him know that education is important. (I still remember my mom going back to school to get her lvn (nurse's) degree when I was in 2nd grade.) You are also letting him know you can step up to the plate and take care of the family in lots of different ways, including outside the home.
Take care, Amy! ((hugs))

Lori said...

Hang in there Amy. When I went back to work full time after being part time for many years, guilt was the biggest factor. And frankly, the kids couldn't have cared less. I mean, I think they felt it in that I was a bit more stressed out, and it was now hubby's job to help w/homework ( he was home earlier than me, and can I say, what a disaster, and he's a teacher, LOL!), but they rolled with the punches.

I think Devin is old enough to have a frank discussion (on his level) of why you're going back to work (obviously, it's not dire enough to scare him), but that everything is going to be fine and he's loved and you guys will still always be there for him, yada yada yada. Still getting over your own guilt and insecurity over all that is the hardest part (at least it was for me!). Hang in there. It gets better.

I think you're strong for getting out there and doing something. Both you and hubby. I agree w/Renee. You guys are setting a great example for Devin. Not sitting back and letting life happen to you. Getting out there and making it work for you. Picking yourself up and dusting yourself off. Not crying in your soup, but working to fix problems. Together. A fantastic thing to teach kids. And one too often not taught.

Yay for hubby for finishing school! Good luck to him with the jobhunt! And good luck to you in school! I hope that by the time you finish, you'll feel a little more settled and that you'll be more ready to get out there and start up. Things will get better :)

Judy H said...

Hi Sweetie!
First, congrats to Shawn! I'm sure going back to school full time was hard for him too. I believe he will find his job.
Now you, I can understand how stressed out you are about all this. I have been out of work for the last three years and depending on someone (Angela) else for what feels like the first time in my life......it's very stressful.
My philosophy on life is that it's all one big learning experience. There is always something new to learn.
You now have an opportunity to figure out what you really would like to do and go for it. The way you throw yourself into things to the end, makes me believe you won't have any problems with school or the job afterwards. I have faith in you.
As for Devin? It's just going to be more time with Dad for awhile and you know he'll love that. Kids are resiliant. They adjust easier when they are younger than as teenagers.
Oh, as an added thought, Aunt Denise is facing the same future, we talk about it alot and trust me, she is stressing. She has been out of the workforce for around 30 years now. And kind of had the same experience you mentioned.
I'm just trying to ease your fears a bit.....hope it helped some.
On your side,
Aunt Judy

Caffey said...

Amy, you keep that chin up and positive thinking! It does make you feel good inside and its contagious (I feel the good energies from you)! I'm not working now with my health (long story) but resulted in 3 surgeries and not being able to work and mounted medical bills still but all I want and my hubby wants for me is to be happy. To take one day each at a time while other things we plan in the near future. Know that you're not alone but so know that all this feels so huge to you alone and talking about it helps bunches. I so love your attitude! Love that you keep all those things around you that make you happy. Know that I and all your friends will always be here for you Amy

Tracy said...

Amy {{big hug}} I wish I was there to give it to you in person.
I understand your fears about school and getting back in the workforce but hopefully once you do it you'll realize that's all ok. I think anticipating things sometimes is worse than the actual doing. I'm sure you will be great at whatever you put your mind to doing. :)
You're going to be learning to juggle things as a mom that you've never had to worry about and hopefully that won't be an added stress for you.

Congrats to Shawn on finishing his program! That's wonderful!! I'm sure he has a great feeling of accomplishment.

So honey, hang in there and take deep breaths. Of course know that we're here for you to vent to anytime you need! :)

Amy C said...

I feel like the luckiest person in the world. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts with me. Some of you have been in my situation with the years of not working and can understand. It's nice to know that I'm not the only one who was afraid. Sometimes I feel like I'm being selfish and it's just an excuse not to work. My husband has always told me that it's okay I stay home and man the ship here, but circumstances have changed and that's just not possible anymore. You all will help keep me motivated! I just know you will. All I gotta do is post my doubts and insecurities and I have all of you to come to the rescue! And I am so thankful and grateful for that.

I lubbs you guys :).

Thank you.

kirsten saell said...

Except for four years when my older two kids were small, I've always worked. But when I decided to go back to it after that break, I knew I didn't want to be a cook anymore, and the only job that kind of fell in my lap was a waitressing one. I'd never even considered it--too much interaction with people I don't know. I worried I'd have butterflies all the time.

But you know, it was scary, and then it was okay. Dealing with people is nice--it's almost like having a social life, lol. I've been doing this for 12 years now, and I love it, and find myself wondering why I never left the kitchen for the front before I got married. The work is almost always fun, I don't go home all greasy and sweaty with hat-head, and I make killer money--between 20 and 45 bucks an hour, when you factor in tips, so I don't have to do it full time. Compare that with my best cook's job at $9/hour, and I was always covered with cuts and burns.

So change is scary, but then it can be really good. And you might find you never want to go back to being a SAHM.

Estella said...

Vent away, it helps prevent migraines!

Fantasy Dreamer (Donna) said...

Hi Amy,

You'll do fine, I promise you will! Once you get out there and find your niche, you'll look back at now and wonder why you were ever worried.

My thoughts are with you and your family.

Best of luck!
Donna

Julie at Outlandish Dreaming said...

Oh Amy *big hugs* I feel for you, I know how you feel at least in the going back to work way. I did it almost 3 years ago after being a SAHM for 13 years! I was afraid of how I'd look on a resume - some middle aged housewife going back into the work force! I lucked out and got the first job I applied for (on Monster.com, believe it or not!) and the rest is history. Yes, it was an adjustment, I was exhausted at first, and I had to give up some of my hobbies, but that paycheck was awfully nice, and I wondered why I hadn't done it earlier - so cheer up - yes, you have a plan, you'll love school, you're older now, wiser, you're going to be in school from a different perspective and you'll do great!

Hang in there, you'll find a job, don't worry! I'm glad you're going to school first, for one thing, it will delay the time you've got to go job hunting, hopefully the job market will pick up soon. I didn't know that your husband was out of work, that's a bummer, but you both have plans, he's out of school now, I know it's scary, but you can do it! I did it and survived! Remember, you can be an office manager or some other kind of job managing things, you've been managing your household for how many years? That counts for something! You can write well, you're well read, probably a lot smarter than some young 20-yr. old just out of college - you have an edge - you'll see!

Good luck, email me if you want some advice, I'm always available since I recently went through this - I can't believe it was almost 3 years ago!

Linda Ellen said...

I hope you've had a nice yard sale. It's okay to vent. We all need to from time to time. =)

I'm still in school, but looking for a job sounds terrifying, even to me. I've applied for part-time jobs, but I didn't get any luck. With what the world is dealing with, it's not surprising. I can't say that I know how you feel since I haven't been there and done that, but I do believe school will be worth it and you'll likely enjoy it.

Keep your chin up. If what goes up must come down, then what goes down must come up too -- economy-wise. Have a nice day and wear a smile. =)

Cindy W said...

Hey Amy! I'm a worry wart, my hubby, is not. We balance very well there, he often says, "It is what it is" I try and remember that, especially on things I really can't control, and just need to figure it out. So Congrats on your mantra!

Good luck with the future, you've been able to give your son 10 years at home! What a gift!

Christine said...

Congrats to Shawn! I know how hard he's worked to advance his skills and I wish him the best at finding a job that is fulfilling and pays the bills!

I also commend you at putting yourself "out there" in academia and or the workforce. I know it is not easy for you to do, but I also have confidence in you, kiddo. I think you'll find the whole experience very empowering once you get over the initial scariness of it all. You can do it!!!!

I hope you made some good money with your yard sale. We've had a few yard sales in the past, but I find it's a lot of work for a little bit of dough. But these days every buck helps!

Mary G said...

Hi Amy -Congrats to Shawn. It's tough to have that breadwinner pressure. My son was 6 when hubby lost his management job. He saved up too buy his own Nintendo 64. He shared a birthday with a rich kid at school & when he told me about all the stuff the kid got I told him that nothing will ever impress me more than him buying his own game sytem. He was pretty proud if himself & to this day (at 19) he is smart about money. Devin going to start being busy soon. I remember when mine was still in grade school I took March break off from work & I hardly saw him because he had something planned with friends everyday (sleepovers at different houses). I'm rooting for you during this transitional time & I know you'll be fine.

Kristie (J) said...

(((((Hugs)))))) Sounds like you have a lot on your plate. I stayed home with my kids too until Ryan was in grade 2. Then I went back to work part time in a grocery store. It worked out great. It was across the street from the school the kids went to so I could almost look out the window and see them, the pay was pretty good and I worked a lot of afternoons and evenings so there was always someone home with them.
It was scary going back to work. I was very shy when I first started, but it was a great way for me to learn to talk to strangers and overcome my shyness. I still am, but I've learned to 'fake it' pretty good *g*.
It's scary when you first go back, but I'm so glad that I did. And I know that once you get past the fear and the nerves, you will be glad too.

Amy C said...

I just wanted to say thank you all agaoin for sharing your experiences with me. Most of you know exactly what I'm feeling and it's nice to know that it's not just me. That this anxiety and fear that I'm feeling is quite normal. And I believe you when you say it will pass, and you get used to beign out there. I just hope it doesn't take too long to readjust!

I really appreciate you all taking the time to comment. It helps knowing you all understand.

Shannon said...

Stress never ends, but hopefully things will get easier now that he has finished school. I wish both of you the best & hope everything gets better.I'm tagging you with the Q&A Meme I look forward to your answers.

Allison('s)Reads said...

Hi Amy, thank you for sharing. Congrats to your husband, and congrats to you too for the brave and difficult tasks you're setting up for yourself. Best wishes, and hope it helps to know that you have lots of caring thoughts and encouragement behind you!

Leontine said...

Hi Amy,
I just read this post and first of all I'm giving you a (((bearhug))) courageous of you to man up like that and go back to school! And the family situation, I always think what doesn't kill you makes you stronger but ppff sometimes all you need is support and a bit of understanding from your family but get crap instead.

I can relate to the whole school issue. I myself have recently received news that shocked my world but also made me think: "what now?" I don’t need to work, my DH blessedly still has a job but I want to work. 2 days or so, just to do something else but I have a degree as a nurse and I have changed so much in the past 5 years that I don't see myself working in this profession anymore. So school is an option, I like to go for librarian or perhaps work at a book store but it scares the daylights out of me to go back to school. So kudos to you for being so courageous even though your nervous!