Sunday, July 26, 2009

Why, why, why???

**This is a very touchy subject for me, no thanks to the past I wish I could obliterate with some sort of super-human powers. But alas I don't possess any such thing. The events that unfolded last night had my emotions in a whirlwind and I needed to vent. So read if you want. If not, I totally understand! But first I'd like to say that I love my husband for being who he is, but in accordance with this post, I love him for being what he's not.**

Last night I experienced something that blew my freakin mind. I say all the time that I'm a homebody, a loner. I don't get out much but to go shopping and the bookstore and outings with my mom and son. Every once in a while I'll tag along with my husband to one of his friends house. Last night it was his friend he knew since high school. Another of his best friends from school was there too. Brian. I've known them for 15 years. If I see them in the store or something, I'll talk to them, but I'm not very social, so I don't know them that well on a personal social level. Well, yeah, I suppose I do and that's probably why we don't hang out all that often. But I hear things. And you know what, that's the way it will stay. Anytime we have done get togethers everyone has to consume so much liquor, it's disgusting. I thought that becasue we were all older now, they weren't like that. But oh no, it's much worse, because now instead of it being some friends together for the weekend to have a few drinks, now they are fucking alcoholics. Brian comes over to my house all the time...During the I've only seen him drunk a few times over the years. I just don't like to hang out like that. Thank goodness neither does my husband. I'm an adult, I have my son with me for fucks sake! I don't need to get all stupid drunk! That's shit for when your young.

Well, had it not been for wanting to stick around for the wife of the guy's house we were at, I would have insisted we leave within a half an hour of arriving. I take that back, had my son seen what I saw, we would have left immediately, and had the guy not left we would have left. This guy...OMG it was so fucking disgusting. He fuckin threw up all over his food. We got there right when they started eating. Luckily for Debbie, it was outside. But the guy was so freakin drunk at 8 pm, he couldn't even eat. And do you want to know what the most horrific thing about that was...HIS FUCKING KIDS WATCHED HIM DO IT! and the little girl, maybe 7 or 8 says to him that that was kinda cool, Daddy! My eyes were about to pop out of my fucking head as I stared at my husband.

I don't know, had this been anyone else's house, regardless I would have left. But even though I am not a huge social person, these people I have known nearly as long as my husband. So my empathy for Debbie just skyrocketed. That was her brother in law. And Frank, her husband, my husband's friend, didn't even know, because he was so fuckin shit-faced. And Brian's reaction was, "Oh, he's a good guy. Just has some issues." WTF?? Issues?? Issues my ass! He had his kids right there with him! I have issues too. But that doesn't give me the fucking right to expose my child to that kind of behavior. He's out of his god damn mind. I'm just thankful Devin went out in the woods with the other kids and was clueless to all this. I mean, poor Debbie was trying to clean it all up and it was making her nearly vomit. It was totally fucked up. And man do I know fucked up. One of the last warm fuzzy memories I have of my father was my grandmother telling me and my sister that we need to go in there and comfort him and tell him we love him. HE WAS FUCKING HIGH ON GOD KNOWS WHAT! But she made us go to him and tell him that we love him and want him to be okay. I was 9! I hated her for that. I don't understand what adults think sometimes. I'm an adult. I know what's right and what's wrong. Why doesn't everyone else??

Well, that guy left shortly after. And another thankgoodness--he didn't drive. He only lives a block away or so. I got to talk with Debbie a bit. I've never really talked with her before. I don't know why. I tend to find myself glued to where ever my husband is when we're out like that. I had no idea what she put up with every single day living with her husband. I couldn't do it. I always felt a little intimidated by her. She's outspoken, and from an outsiders point of view, kinda rude. But I had her pegged so wrong! And I am so sorry for that. Because if I had to live with a drunk like that, I'd be one pissed off bitch too. My husband buys a can of beer maybe twice a month for after he mows the grass! A can! Not a case or a six pack. Just a can! And that is why Brian and Frank seldom come to our house. We don't drink, or Shawn doesn't drink.

When you don't drink and you are around people that are beyond drunk, it's really disgusting. I had no idea that these two guys were heading down the road they are on. They're gonna end up killing themselves. They have their excuses. And they will never own up to their addiction until something tragic happens. And that is so fucking sad! One of the biggest things that gets me about a drunk person is they argue their ability to drive. "Oh, I'm fine! I can walk in a straight line. No cops going to pull me over." That last one boggles my mind and Brian said it last night when he decided not to let Shawn drive him home when we left, all becasue he didn't want to leave the party of two yet. There was more liquor to be consumed (Debbie reassured me that he would be staying the night) But it's that a drunk person only worries about themselves and getting a DWI. Hello!! Fucking assholes, what about me? What about my mom? Or my neighbor? Or your neighbor? Or all the other innocent people that just might be on the road when your intoxicated mind veers off into the other lane or doesn't notice the traffic signals and YOU KILL SOMEONE??? WHy is that never a concern for them? They are so self-absorbed that they don't even think about anyone else. That is just beyond me! I lost ALL respect for those two guys last night. Brian has done some stupid things in the past, but watching them two last night...No way. Absolutely disgusting.

I don't understand peoples need to drink. Just a few weeks ago we were at a guy's house my husband used to work with. Now they are not heavy drinkers. But they are social drinkers. I got so pissed. Niether the husband or the wife would accept that I did not want an acoholic drink. Both of them were listing off different things. I kept saying no thank you and they kept rattling off. I snapped at the wife. I don't get snappy with people, except my husband. But dammit she wouldn't quit! No means fuckin no, right? Finally, we settled on water!

Not what I expected when Shawn asked me the other day if I wanted to go to Frank's and Debbie's Saturday.

Anyway, if you're still with me after all that, I did do something nice for myself yesterday afternoon. A week or so ago MsMoonlight did a post called "Five on Friday" about five stupid things about her :). One of them was that she hated unpainted toenails. I thought, Oh man, I haven't painted my toenails in years!! I don't even have any polish it's been so long. What I did have I tossed! So what I did yesterday (thank you, MsMoonlight) was I painted my toenails. I went to the beauty supply store, picked out a few colors and made my toes pretty :). And I splurged and bought a new pair of sandals to go with my pretty new toes. See blogging can be very good for your mental well-being. That one little act of painting my toenails made me feel really good about myself.

I hope you all had a good weekend.


Chicks of Characterization said...

I'm with you Amy, why people have to drink until they are too drunk to function is beyond me. Its not fun, its not cute its just dangerous! I thank God every day that I have a husband who doesn't drink, smoke or do drugs. Life would be hell if he did. You are right to feel the way you do. AND kids should never be subjected to that kind of behavoir!

Oh, did you get the award I left you???

Another question for you- Have you read- "Tortured?" I want to get it, but I want someone's opinion first!

Andrea :O)

Amy C said...

Hi Andrea, I did get your award! Thank you so very much :). You are wonderful to give it to me.

Yes, I did read Tortured and I have a review scheduled for it to post in a few days. Maybe I'll move it up and post it sooner. It's definitely a good read. It's different with the setting. I've never read anything quite like that. And that is one thing I really like about the spice line. Alot of the stories break away from the traditional mold of romances. They are grittier! And I like it from time to time :).

Yeah, it sucks that some people are so deluded in their own life that they lose site of what's important--They're kids and the memories they are giving them. I wonder when it will end for them and they'll realize how wrong they are. But by then it might be too late. I'm glad, Andrea, that you have a wonderful husband!

Donna (Fantasy Dreamer) said...

Looks like you had a pretty tough night. It also seems like an experience you could lived without seeing. Ever. The sad thing is alcoholism is a sickness, similar to drug addiction. People with these problems don't care while they are on a high. Too bad for the kids who have witness their parents or others in such an undignified state, it really does effect them the rest of lifes'. It effects their feelings and the choices they will later.

Oh, I'm not much of a drinker myself. Maybe a glass of wine once in a blue moon. So, I hate when other get pushy about getting me to drink something. Very. Irritating.

I love your toes and shoes, very pretty. It reminds me that I need to do the same thing.

I hope what is left of your weekend turns out better. (^_^)

My Blog 2.0 (Dottie) said...

Hi Amy

First, I love the toe prettiness and cute sandals. I used to paint my nails all the time, haven't in years now.

Second, my husband's in law enforcement as well as my father was before he retired. I will not and cannot tolerate behavior in adults as what you endured this weekend. I have only had too much to drink once in my life, I don't drink and it too all of two drinks to put me to sleep. I was in college and my husband was with me. College is where you do stupid things that you learn from, I learned that I literally cannot drink. I don't think I could have stayed at the party/cookout. I can't believe his children are exposed to that behavior all the time, it's so sad. He's raising his children to be just like him. Where was his wife? I would have been mortified to be there with him. How horrible for her, your family, and the rest of people attending. At least you were supportive of Debbie, who was probably wanting to crawl into a hole and never show her face again. Nothing says party like having a drunk who won't quit.

Also, I hate it when someone tries to force alcohol on me. For some unknown reason, people really want you to drink with them, I think it makes them feel better about themselves, knowing that you're going to drink makes it okay for them to drink. I don't get it either.

I sent you an email with the website information on the writing contests.

Hope you have a beautiful Sunday, it's finally sunny here and now it's hot!


Dottie :)

Blanche said...

Hi Amy!

Very cute toes and sandals!! :)

I'm just a little older than you (mid, ok closer to late 40's) and I'm the same as you, hubby too. We don't drink but most of our friends do. There are a few who can't just have a drink, they need to get drunk and be stupid and it makes me so uncomfortable that we rarely hang out with them anymore. I just don't get it.

Sorry you had to witness that and how awful for that guys kids, his poor wife too!

Mary G said...

Hi Amy
That is sad but the disease is stronger than any love they feel for themselves or their family. I'm not much of a drinker(low tolerance)but for sure can't stand my step-dad's home-made wine. I just tell him that I can't have any because I just took some tylenol or advil or whatever. He doesn't bug me anymore. I hate the cop-out but I hate arguing even more. Besides this is the only thing that shuts people up in my experience. Love the toes.

Stacy~ said...

Amy, I know how you feel. Growing up, my parents drank. A lot. Me & my 2 brothers were in more bars growing up that we were practically regulars. We would actually sing along to the jukebox, entertaining the other customers. Actually pretty fun, but looking back, not the way to raise kids. My mom eventually ended up in the hospital when I was 12 years old, in rehab. He & my dad haven't drank for 25 years.

Knowing what it's like to live in that kind of situation, I am very careful when I drink. Granted, I had my wild period when I was a teen, but now I rarely drink, and only in social situations, but not irresponsibly. I also don't feel like you need to drink in every social situation. I respect my friends who choose not to drink. I don't understand the compunction to force someone to drink.

I feel bad for this man's wife, and the kids. It's not cool to watch your dad fall down the stairs. Been there too many times.

azteclady said...


While I was very fortunate that neither my parents nor my stepfather drank (even socially it was rarely more than one drink), a number of my father's brothers and brothers-in-law drank. (One of them, in fact, drank himself to liver failure and death.)

I am very sorry you had to endure the situation, and much more sorry for the children of these people--with such example, it's not difficult to see why so many of them become alcoholics themselves!

I also sympathize with you on the "I said water, thank you!" bit--I've been there a few too many times. I wish more people would accept that yes, there ARE some of us who can have fun without getting high/drunk.

But I *have* to say that you have cute toes :grin: (and the sandals are pretty too)

Amy C said...

Hi Donna,
I had to witness things when I was younger. Today they are more impressions but because of those memories, when I do drink I am very aware of how much I drink so I don't act a fool in front of my son. I don't drink often at all. But in the right social setting I don't mind. And when I do, my husband doesn't. I don't want my child having any kind of memories of me that would make him think less of me. And also to teach him that you can drink, and it can be done responsibly.

Hi Dottie,
When I was a teenager I overindulged. I got into trouble, but I realized that what I was doing was not productive. It wasn't the life I wanted for myself. I would have been mortified too if my husband acted like that. I truly don't know how his wife deals with that. I'm so thankful that when we first moved up here and my husband was hanging out with those two all the time, he didn't maintain following in their footsteps. He has more respect for himself and me.

Hey Blanche, yeah, I don't understand the need to over drink. Whenever I do have a drink, it's usually just one. No need for more.

Anna said...

Uh, I know exactly how you feel. I've had to deal with alcoholics a good chunk of my life. There is nothing cool about it. I hope someone sets that little girl straight.

I drink, but it's only socially and that isn't very often. I'm pretty much a homebody too unless the bookstore is calling. ;)

After high school I thought it was cool for a while, but after a few times getting drunk on tequila shots, I was so over it.


Amy C said...

Mary, you are so right. The disease is stronger. My mom and dad divorced when I was 8 due to his drinking. I don't think he drinks anymore. We seldom have contact with one another. Heck I haven't seen him in 20 years. We only just recently, like over the last two weeks been back in touch. He awlays claims this is the time he's not going to lose contact. And you know, I'm older now, I can laugh about it, but for the last 22 years he's been telling me he is going to send me a birthday present for my birthday. I've yet to receive anything! He said it again this time around. I don't know what goes through his mind. It makes me sad to talk to him. Reminds me of all I didn't have becasue of his weakness. But I like talking to him for brief times. It's that little connection with him as my parent that a little piece inside me craves to have.

Hi Stacy, I'd say you do know the feeling and well. I was taken out of that situation with my dad when I was 8, but only to be put in a worse one. Life didn't get normal until I met my husband, 16 years ago. He's my rock!

Thanks, azteclady. You're so right. You can have a good time without drinking! I do get a little silly, my husband thinks it's funny, but if he saw me that way everytime he turned around he wouldn't like it. He did used to give me a hard time, years ago. He called me uptight a few times, because I never overindulged in drinking and sometimes I didn't want to drink. I'm like, I didn't have a dad becasue of alcohol! He would NEVER say that to me now. He's all grown up :).

Hi Anna, It is really sad how many people have alcoholism in their family. It makes me sick. I had an incident with Tequila in HS. Never again.

Oh and for those that mentioned the guys wife, she is out of the picture. They divorced a year or so ago, I guess. Apparently she is more fucked up than he is if he has the kids! I don't know anything really about this guy, just that he's my husband's friends brother and he's got one hell of a problem and according to Brian, it's okay because he's an alright guy going through some shit. It gives him a pass to behave like that in front of his kids. Bull shit!!

Judy H said...

Hi Amy,

Cute tootsies! Love the sandals.

It sounds like you were someplace that I personally wouldn't go back to.

I drank for a short while in my life. Then I realized I didn't like the person in the mirror, so I kicked her out. Just did not need that kind of influence.

I feel for the wife and children. They are sort of stuck in a situation. If only someone would tell her about Alanon, it would do wonders for the children especially. I know, been there.

The message they are getting right now is that it's ok to be an ass.
I believe in my heart that drunks breed drunks. That might sound cold, and I know it isn't always the truth, but it happens far to often.

I know they say alcholosim is a disease and we should try to understand and feel sorry for them, I don't. I don't feel anything but disgust for a drunk. I believe it's a matter of choice also.

As for someone trying to push their addiction down your throat, just ask them one time, How many ways do I have to say NO?

Well, right here is where I will end my rant! lol. I'm glad you and Shawn agree on this issue.
Love you guys

Mary G said...

You're so sweet - you deserve not to be disappointed about the birthday thing. It's like we're never to old to want to be parented. I know that your expectations are low anyway but the next time he promises anything just say "we'll see" or "whatever". Be noncommittal.
You can keep the door open but protect yourself. (((hugs)))

Julie at Outlandish Dreaming said...

Pretty toes! And love the sandals too. I've come across many social drinkers over the years, and my parents were big drinkers. There was a time when I just couldn't even stand to talk to my mother after she had a few cocktails every night. Now that she's in her 80's she doesn't drink like that now, but it changed her personality so much, I just avoided her at night.

I drink socially too, but not to excess. Some wine and beer or sangria, that's about it nowadays, but not every night and not so I'm shit faced! In fact I've rarely seen people get totally trashed since my college days. I would be just as appalled as you were if I went to a BBQ or outing and witnessed and had to experience what you did. I can't believe you stayed as long as you did. I would have left pronto, luckily my DH feels the same way that I do as well. You have every right to rant, and I feel sorry for the wife and children, I hate to think how they will be when they grow up and what they believe is socially acceptable - "puking at parties - oh yeah, that's cool, my Dad did it all the time - it must be okay!"

How someone can remain in a relationship like that if beyond me, but she must be stuck with no money and no place else to go. I agree, she should go to Alanon, I've heard it's very helpful for families. What an awful situation to be in and it makes me thankful to think I don't have to deal with something like that.

I polished my toes last weekend, btw. I agree with Ms. Moonlight, mine look so ugly with no polish!

Amy C said...

And I am so glad , Judy, that you kicked the other "her" out.

We've been over to their house a few other times. Actually two other times, but this time I felt like I was let into the dirty little family secret. It was not pleasant, and I don't know if I would go over there again. I like Debbie and hate to hold it against her. I'm sure she likes it when there is someone there for her to talk to. To take her mind off what her husband is doing to his body and his behavior around his kids.

Love you too, Judy

Thanks :). I think the disappointment went away years ago. "Whatever" is my favorite thing to say! If I dig deep enough there is still that part of me that's hurt and disappointed, but what are you gonna do? You know what I do, I spoil MY child!! LOL

Amy C said...

Hi Julie,
I probably would have left pronto if my son had seen the guy get sick. But he was out in the woods with the other kids and then the guy left shortly after that. So he was no longer an issue, and it's hard too, since these are people we've known for so long, you know. My child was in no danger of being harmed. The other two jackasses, Frank and Brian, they mostly stayed in the garage smoking, while me, my husband and Debbie stayed in the kitchen talking. I imagine it was nice for her to have someone to vent to that understands since me and Shawn are not drinkers. it bothered her something awful that the evening turned out that way and I didn't want to pack up and leave her feeling so terrible.

I think I am going to keep up with painting my toenails. I used to do it more frequently, at least in the summer, but I just stopped. :)

Estella said...

I'm with you all the way.
Most alcoholics are just disgusting!

Blodeuedd said...

Sighs, I know!
Ok my boyfriends family are not alcoholics and I have never seen any of them drunk. But at the dinner they can drink a beer or wine. And they always asks me, couldn't I at least have some cider. No, I want milk.

Now I have given up since I found one alcoholic drink that I can drink since it taste like soda.

But they have still not met my parents, and I guess I have to have a talk beforehand not to even ask if they want something

Lea said...

Hey Amy!

I love your pretty toes...

Yeah, people really suck sometimes, especially when they are falling down drunk.

It is why long ago, even before I was prescribed medication that prohibits alcohol consumption, did I give up drinking.

I glass of wine with dinner is one thing. But drinking to the point of mindless impropriety is another.

You take care my friend.


Anonymous said...

Oh Amy that is a tragic story and even more so because children are involved. I don't understand addictions because I don't have an addictive nature - what I mean by that is I can quit anything cold turkey and I don't suffer withdrawal or urges to go back. I had smoked for over a decade and was over a pack of cigs a day, then decided I was done and never picked up another one and never had any urges or withdrawal problems. I had people in my family (dead now) who were alcoholics and they HAD to attend meetings all the time to stay clean because the desire for their addiction never went away. I don't understand that because its never happened to me (thank goodness!). But people with an addiction have to stop denying they have it, and get any and all help they need to get over it. No addiction is good for a person - it always hurts someone else (the ripple effect).

Great looking toes!!! :o)


Lori said...

Hi Amy,

First off, good for you for doing your toes and feeling good about yourself. It's amazing how just doing a little thing like painting your toenails can make you feel so pretty, isn't it?

As for the drinking... yes, once you've got kids you should get over the throwing up drunk thing. It's time to take some responsibility for your life. My hub is a recovering alcoholic (although he never did the throwing up thing thank goodness - just drank a LOT). But when my oldest was getting ready to hit high school, he realized that he needed to quit so that he could give our kids a good example and give them a really sound reason not to start drinking. I'm very proud of him. And you should be proud of your hubby, too, for recognizing that you don't like those situations and not giving you a hard time about it.

As for people not letting you say no, I think it's cause they get uncomfortable if you aren't drinking, too. I was at a wedding last weekend where they ran out of water and all they had was alcohol. Hubby and I were not pleased. We actually left and bought our own stuff and came back. Crazy.

Cybercliper said...

Man, Amy - gotta say the new kicks are lookin' pretty cool!! I though about doing the polish thing after Ms Moonlight's post, but it just looked like to much work!!!

Know what you mean about the drunks. Hubby and I had an incident like yours happen once - that was all it took. The folks involved knew how we felt about public displays of drunken lunacy. They didn't respect our time together enough to control themselves. We never had anything to do with them again. No loss - hubby and I have been marching to our own drum for years and won't stop now.

Amy C said...

Hey Blodeuedd, hopefully your boyfriend's parents will respect your wishes and not ask your parents if they'd like anything.

Thank you all regarding my toes :).

I'm in a much better mood today! I was so mad yesterday. But all of your comments were nice and very much appreciated. It let me vent and exhaust all those thoughts running around inside my head.

Christine said...

Hey sweetie. I'm so sorry you had such a miserable experience (again!) with that group of friends. Throwing up is never a pleasant experience for anyone under any circumstance. To think that it is glorified (especially in front of children) by some people is just so sad and pathetic.

These men obviously have very serious problems and their alcoholism is completely corrupting their judgement. I hope both of them get some help... and that at least someone at this point has planted the seed in their minds that they actually DO have a problem. To think they don't even think there's anything wrong with their behavior is truly very, very sad. I also hope either one NEVER drives while drunk. It's one thing to mess up and endanger one's own life... but putting everyone else's lives in danger is beyond unacceptable!

A few months ago I was in a local courtroom (to request a lower fine and no points on my first ever ticket) and there were people there to see the judge over DWI charges. I overheard this young, beautiful girl talking with someone in the hallway as they were discussing where and when they got caught DWI. She wasn't the least bit remorseful for driving while drunk. Her only concern was with what roads she should avoid in the future after leaving the bars because the cops would be on those. She was practically announcing that she's PLANNING on driving drunk again! I was so disgusted. All of a sudden this young woman wasn't so beautiful to me anymore.

Your toes look great! Nice color and great sandals to show them off! I almost always have polish on my toes, even in the winter. I had a professional pedicure once at this posh salon--a treat from one of my dear friends. It was divine. And the pedicure lasted a month in the summer, too! I should really do that again sometime... :)

JenB said...

Ugh. *hugs* I feel exactly the same way about people who insist on getting drunk at every social gathering. I had some alcohol-enhanced fun in college, but the death of a close friend in his own drunk driving accident sobered me up immediately and I've spent the past few years shaking my head in wonder and pity at my peers.

I, too, love the way I feel with freshly-painted toes. Glad you found joy in such a simple thing. :)

Amy C said...

Hey Christine,
That is just awful of that girl! She learned the wrong lesson. Very stupid indeed. I would have wanted to do some violence to her if I had overheard her! What is wrong with people?

Wow! your pedicure lasted a month? One day I'll invest in one of those :).

Hey Jen, hugs to you too. It is sad when you lose someone close to you due to drinking. I've lost alot in my life no thanks to drugs and alcohol. And I'm gonna keep on painting the toes!