Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Skinny People Scare Me...Huh? :(

Yesterday, someone said to me, "Skinny people scare me, no offense." And that I needed to eat more. I understand he was joking (in a way), and I don't remember exactly what the conversation was about that he said that, but needless to say I was flabbergasted at his comment and analysis of me, and skinny people in general.

It made me wonder, if I were fat and instead he said, "Fat people scare me, no offense, but you need to eat less." Of course, he wouldn't have. Because that would be offensive and hurtful. But why do people think that commenting on a skinny person in the same manner is not hurtful? That it doesn't create a sense of rejection, regardless of one's weight?

I had one lady say that she runs skinny people over in her car...again, how would she have felt if I said I run fat people over in my car?

Or to be looked at up and down and asked with a sneer, "How do you stay so skinny?" And again, it made me want to return the stare and ask, "How do you stay so fat?"

I don't understand why people think that it's not harmful if you make a derogatory comment like that to a skinny person. It's not less hurtful. Whether one is skinny or fat, we are all still people and just want to be who we are without any judgement placed upon us.

It just really bothers me, and those comments make me feel as though I have no leg to stand on regarding the emotions they generate. "Oh you're skinny, get over it." But we all still have the same feelings.


18 comments:

Blodeuedd said...

That is so uncool, why say things like that about skinny people, if they said it about fat people someone would punch them

Amy C said...

Punch them...haha...I sort of felt that way. I think that if he knew it bothered me he would have felt bad, and that's the problem, people say things like that and they don't realize that it does hurt your feelings when you're singled out in that way.

Cecile said...

{{{{Hugs}}}} That does make me upset that people just do not care to think of what they say before saying. I can see if you are in a heated debate, you lose your cool, things get said. Yes, I know. But still... that is stupid crap to say to anyone. Like you said - is it supposed to be okay that he said that... No. Ugh.. people. Did their Mama not teach them... Keep your mouth shut so your foot does not end up there.

I hope you have a better day Amy!!!

Amy C said...

Thanks, Cecile :). You make me smile :D. And my day already feels better!

*Hugs*

Christine said...

You are absolutely 100% correct in your assertions, Amy. It is just as rude and inappropriate to make derogatory comments about skinny people as it is to make about fat people. Mean is mean whether meanness is aimed at either population, right?

The only explanation that I can come up with is that our society has deemed it culturally acceptable to be thin or even "too thin," but not all acceptable to be fat.

Those haters are just jealous. If only they could take that negative energy they have toward skinny people and put it towards doing something to improve their own body weight to a more healthy level--not to mention their attitude-- then everyone would be happier AND healthier!

And for the record... I don't think you are skinny. You look just right at a healthy, ideal body weight.

Book ♥ Soulmates said...

Amy, I'm so sorry that you had to deal with someone so ignorant, but I am glad you shared your story with us. I've been skinny all my life and have had to deal with crap like that since I was a little girl. I battled esteem issues that I'm proud to say I've overcome (for the most part) And I'm glad to know that I'm not alone!

My favorites, from over the years, are:
"How much do you weigh?" {Yeah, because that's a totally appropriate question!}

"What size jeans do you wear?"

"How much do you eat?"

"How do you stay so skinny?" {It's all genetic baby!}

"Does being skinny hurt?"

The worst one of all was when I was in high school. My name is Isalys which is difficult to pronounce, so one girl said "I can't remember your name so I'm going to start calling you 'A' ". So I asked, "A?" and she replied "yeah, A for anorexic!" My jaw dropped. I could not believe that someone could be so callous or cruel! It took everything I had not to knock her teeth out. In a way though, I'm glad it happened because that's the day I decided that I would not let people make me feel bad about it anymore!

Sorry for the insanely long winded message! I just feels good to talk to someone who REALLY understands and doesn't try to empathize!

Bottom line: Don't sweat them - they're ignorant fools who I truly believe are jealous b/c we live in a society that values the slim & slender. Just remember, as long as your healthy - it's all just gravy! LOL

Skinny girls unite :D
♥Isalys
booksoulmates[at]gmail.com

Amy C said...

Christine, I think that is it exactly, because society has deemed it acceptable to be thin, I think it allows that justification for people to openly make derogatory comments, whether meant in a hurtful or non-hurtful way, to a thin person and it's okay, since society says that's the way it should be. But from my point of view, I don't see it that way. I don't want to be singed-out. I don't want to be made to feel like I'm doing something wrong. I hate that people think I'm not supposed to be offended.

And thank you. You're right, I am not skinny. I am equally proportioned to my height.

Keira of LoveRomancePassion said...

I had a couple of guy friends back in college who said things about skinny girls too. The first was "She's too skinny, feed her a bagel." and the other was "If a girl stands up and her thighs aren't touching there's something wrong there."

Amy C said...

Hey Isalys,

People don't realize how damaging it is for the 'skinny'girl to get teased about her weight, or they don't realize that the 'skinny' girl DOES get teased. Skinny people can have self-esteem issues as well, and it's from those that don't fall into what society deems the norm.

It's a very uncomfortable situation to be in when people ask you inappropriate questions, such as the ones you listed. And I have heard a few of them that you mentioned also. Do people not think how it would feel if we asked them those same questions? I'm pretty sure that it would bother them.

And does it hurt to be skinny?? Good grief, what kind of question is that??

And btw, insanely long-winded messages are awesome! :D

Thank you for stopping by and commenting. You're right, it's nice to know I'm not alone in my feelings toward those that think it's okay to make those types of comments.

Amy C said...

Hi Keira,

I don't understand those types of comments. Maybe she does eat bagels, however her metabolism is just higher than the next person.

I certainly eat. I don't starve myself...ever! This just happens to be the size I am. I feel healthy and happy with myself and sometimes comments can make you feel like there's something wrong with that. And I don't like it.

I suppose, people can say what they want indirectly, but when it's directed at you, well, that's when it bothers me.

Lea said...

*sigh*

You know what Amy? I've come to the conclusion that some people just suck. The problem is that they have no filter. Whatever pops into their pea brains comes out the mouth without thought to how it sounds or who they are hurting by saying it.

It's just rude & ignorant..

((hugs))

Amy C said...

Perfectly said, Lea :D.

Rude and ignorant people suck!

*Hugs*

Tracy said...

I don't understand people either. What are they thinking, that just because you're NOT fat therefore you have no feelings? Get a clue, please!

I'm sorry that you had to suffer through that and past comments. I think you're beautiful just the way you are. :)

Mina Wolf said...

Funny thing, my best friend in the whole wide world (we're at about 25 years now) is really skinny as well. While growing up I distinctly remember my going off on her about how skinny she was etc etc. Obviously taking out my own insecurities on not being skinny on her. At one point, she turned to me and said "You know, I don't really WANT to be so skinny. You don't have to go out of your way to make me feel badly about it." I was so taken aback. I really didn't realize what I was doing. Since then, I make a conscious effort to NEVER go off on anyone just because of their size :) People need to be taught that their insecurities do not give them license to be rude to other people.

azteclady said...

Stupid people scare me, but there you go, one can't go around telling them that...

I am very sorry, Amy *hug* And you are absolutely right: we should take into account everyone's feelings and stop blurting stupid things without even a modicum of thought.

I think that Christine hit the nail on the head: since the supposed ideal of beauty is thin, there are many people who assume that those who are thin are perfectly comfortable with themselves and therefore, that those comments can't hurt them.

Which is stupid, of course.

(((Amy))) I'm sorry you have to deal with the stupid.

Dottie (Tink's Place) said...

((((Amy))))

As someone who was thin until three years ago, even after my babies, I was thin, I can honestly say that's it's always been offensive to me to be called skinny or fat. People do it unthinkingly, thoughtlessly, not considering that as long as they don't say "my, you're a fatty" (which is obnoxious), then it's okay to make derogatory remarks like "you're skinny" or "boy, you're bony", both statements would piss me off. It wasn't a choice I made on purpose, just like gaining weight from medication wasn't a choice I made either. There are more factors to consider that you must be starving yourself or you must be pigging out. As long as it's not effecting your health (and the doctor warned me that the meds and inactivity that my injury causes was going to make me gain weight), then you're okay. I do try to monitor my weight, instead of eating cookies, I have fruit. I try to portion my meals and watch my caloric intake, but regardless of how much I eat or don't eat, my meds keep chunkier than I was, and until my ankle once again works, I'll be content, because I really don't have a choice. Just like your metabolism helps keep you thin. People need to grew up in our country and realize there's more to a person than body image and style, be it skinny or fat. It's cruel either way.

(((hugs sweetie, and don't let the idiots get to you!)))

Dottie :)

Book ♥ Soulmates said...

I agree with everything said! Azteclady hit the nail right on the head too!

As you mentioned, society has made it so that being skinny is the only socially acceptable way to be which unfortunately is a giant misfire. Heavy people get teased for not fitting the mold and skinny people get teased for it. It's a lose/lose. I am the supposed "ideal weight" so then I must be happy with myself therefore I have no feelings to be hurt when people make asinine comments! C'mon...

{Oh, and do not even get me started on what an effing pain in the ass it is to buy pants. I'm not only skinny, but I'm fairly tall so that makes it a challenge!}

Some people have said "oh I wish I were skinny like you" and my reply is "no you don't".

I do NOT starve myself by any means. I don't spend hours and hours in the gym. I don't try to be skinny, I just am! At one point, I actually took medication in an attempt to gain weight because I got so tired of the teasing. The medication had hormones that affected my cycle so I stopped and said "f*ck it - this is me and I'm going to stop fighting it!" As long as I'm healthy and my hubby loves me for the way I am - then who am I to fight it.

I saw your pictures and you look great!!! There's not a single thing wrong with you :) Tell the haters to keep their hate and just be happy with yourself.

XoXo
♥Isalys

Amanda McIntyre said...

Oh, that we could live in a world where people see the goodness in each other instead of the outer appearences.

There is a lot of ignorance left in this world, yeah?

Having met you Kiddo, I can honestly say that I don't recall ever thinking about your body type--now maybe how bloody YOUNG you look LOL well I admit to that;)

You are genuinely a beautiful woman, Amy. I say that from the bottom of my heart!;)
Hugs
Amanda